Let me traverse my journey slowly- slowly
Her face is etched in my memory with this line in Kumaoni which she always uttered when leaving for her home. Those days when she visited us I was a tender bewildered young boy who looked at world with wide astonishment mingled with an anxiety which turned to fear sometimes. She stayed at the village some five or six miles away from our place and reached our house by traversing a steep climb up the foot track on hills and returned by travelling down it. Something in her face and demeanor made her distinct to me from everyone else and to gaze at her silently from a distance .
Medium in height, a slight oval face with large eyes, fair complexion and a bit plump. Her voice clear, low and melodious she would have been in her mid thirties. It was her eyes which were most expressive. She smiled mostly through twinkle in her eyes. Today I can call it serene acceptance and resignation to whatever life makes you to go through.
But then it just made me to pay attention to her and it had a soothing effect on me. I gathered her story by the tid-bits which other adults at that time talked about her among themselves.
She was a childless widow who had lost her husband only two years after her marriage. The husband if I remember correctly was in army. Belonging to a too poor family the young widow had no home to return for some solace or hope of a better future and was dependent on her matrimonial home for everything where she very soon became unwanted. She started living separately. Domesticating a cow and few goats and working off and on for others as her years passed by . Some ten years of her life went by in this solitary, silent non eventful sufferance but without any turbulence.
Sometime after this she got a kind of steady job at the house of a person who was some kind of a certified medical practitioner appointed by govt in the village . He was called Doctor Saheb by village folk but was not a person with full fledged medical degree. I think he was supposed to provide some preliminary medical aid to village community for common milder ailments and received a govt pay.
The lady whom I know by name ‘Hariye Maa’ ( meaning in kumaoni mother of Harish -her sons name)got the job of doing all house chores for him.
She got a fixed amount for it at last of month. It seemed if this made life easier for her a bit. One day she abruptly stopped going to his house.
The reason became evident only after five months when bump in her belly became too visible to her and everyone. It could be only the belly of a pregnant lady. When questioned she narrated how the fellow called doctor forced himself upon her one day and she could do nothing after it except to stop going to his house. The doctor had heard enough of the commotion so when approached to confront his deed he had enough time to pack up and disappear. When She used to visit our place her terrible status of a widow with an illegitimate child was well known. The village of course treated her as a pariah and it was acknowledged that she had disreputed the whole village( poore gaon kee lutiya duba di)
A male child was born who was named Harish. The child was brought up by her in a way which surprised everyone around.Her devotion to child and her upbringing was absolute. The child was born in shame known to all world. He would be butt of worst mockings as soon he would be able to understand even the least minimum of the world but from her mother he got only love and care.
When she used to visit our place that was her situation in life.I remember in my neihbourhood she got most sympathetic almost loving treatment from ladies with whom she interacted . Her plight was termed as cruelest of destiny.
It must have been mainly due to her gentle, innocent demeanor and her devotion to the work she was called upon to perform for others.
This mainly involved cutting the grass in forest and carry it a long way from there with others to home of our neighbors who domesticated many cattle .
I remember seeing her son who would have been some four or five years elder to us. He seemed a normal and unusually good boy who it was said kept the contact with outside world only for his practical affairs and kept closely to her mother. This was as I knew her before I left the town I lived in for Eighteen years and where now I will return only off and on and would never stay long to see how one season changed into another.
It was some seven year later when I saw her again. I was on a visit to home and was out in sunshine basking in the warm early afternoon sun. An old worn out lady was ascending the stone stairs leading to the verandah common to all families of neighborhood. She did ask me if our neighbor is at home. When I replied Yes She passed on to the next house.
I could easily hear to the conversations they were having but I was only recollecting when had I seen the lady earlier. And I remembered.
There was nothing left of that distinctiveness in her face nor in her voice.
She was silent most of the time indifferent and passive. A flower broken off the stem and crushed beyond recognition. When she left I asked and came to know following further course of her life. She brought up the child who had no father to name with utmost care. She managed to teach her up to 10 class .At first he picked up the small jobs at shops but at last he managed to get a daily wages contract job at Mall road post office. What he would have written for a fathers name I don’t know.
Nor was it ever known what were the exact circumstance or cause of his death?
He was found on the side of the main motor road some three miles away from his village on a morning with a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. When his absence to reach the home at usual time led to enquiries .
That day she said nothing when leaving our place. She had left nothing to remember about her that day except someone totally defeated by life. A meaningless life and destiny of which no meaning could be gathered by anyone. But it was not the end.
Three years ago (some twenty years after the above chance meeting) I overheard a conversation between my neighborhood lady and some other female voice. I was sitting at the same place in verandah enjoying the sunshine. This low melodious voice was familiar to me from long way back from my younger days. Someone was talking excitingly about Ramnagar and a lady and a marriage. I stepped up to the spot where the ladies were talking. I pulled up my chair near to them. I could remember the face. She was’ Hariyes maa ‘ of course. For a moment she looked intently at me , when I wished her She said with the same twinkle in her eyes you look like someone I have seen.
I had never ever spoken a word with her in those days when she and I both relatively much younger had seen each other.
I reminded her that she would have seen me then. Yes you are Kailash I think she said. She would have remembered my name by others calling out me so. This set me talking with her for first time in life. Those days long gone by. She asked about other children she saw around at our place and remembered.
Where they are and what they are doing.
What I do.
She also remarked she enjoyed those days, the hullabaloo of children and others of our place. The hustle bustle of work . cutting and carrying stacks of grasses from forest . Having the tea with gur (jaggery) and the group feast of mashed up pahari lemon in curd, gur, oil and specially prepared green salt. I asked her what marriage she was talking about at Ramnagar. It was leela’s daughters wedding I went for she said.
Is she your daughter I asked with some surprise. After a hesitant pause she nodded her head and said yes.
I couldn’t and did not provoke more information on that knowing her past but it left me curious.
I took a keen interest in talking with her m and listening to her. I was not left unrewarded for that.
She remarked how humble and good a person I have become, though being so educated and belonging to a big city of big outside world I had condescended to talk with a poor lady who is nothing in this world.
When that day she finally left I turned immediately to her most intimate friend .
But Kainja (Mausi in kumaoni) when she had a daughter. Her son had died. Did she remarry? No that is what happened I was told. After her son died she was in a half dead and half life state. People had started declaring her pagal ( madcap) Then something happened in nature own way to rejuvenate her back to life completely. In the year 1992 Monsoons in kumaon were unusually destructive and devastating.
One family in the village where this lady lived had its settlement separate from the main village at the foot of a low lying hill. The family besides parent had three children Two daughters called Leela and Madhu and a boy called Bhuvan. The family had some cultivable land but father the head of house by sheer dint of hard work and determination had collected a huge livestock for sustenance of his family. Two buffalows ,eight cows and some forty goats. One day in that year of terrible monsoon that harmless looking low hill descended on their settlement taking away the parents and larger part of livestock . Children who occupied front most part of the house came out intact though there room was filled up with large.mass of debris left by landslide. The orphaned children were clueless how one lives after such blow given out of nowhere from nature. So were village folks how and who takes care of three orphaned young children ?
Now came the lady into the scene.
Once She had brought up an illegitimate child and had immersed herself fully to give him as good foothold in world as she could regardless of the world . Now she and children decided to adopt each other. Her stupendous success in this is talk of the village now and will remain forever.
The usual refrain among people was no real parent could have done more or could have bestowed more love and care. They took up their starting point the remaining livestock and the cultivable land.
The most touching part was her insistence on the education of children. She after a time tried to absolve children of all tasks other than studies as much it could be done. And this was evident in the report of the three children by their present status. First child Leela and her husband both are employed in Corbett park of Ramnagar. Madhu a primary school teacher in an adjoining school The youngest , boy Bhuvan in block development office of the district. The lady had found the purpose for her life again in children unwanted and lost in world and had saved herself ultimate defeat in hands of life. Descent into despondence. Her slow but animated talk that day which I overheard and than had with her clearly revealed how much immersed she was in her life. Talking of the affairs of her children she had so lovingly and hopefully brought up. She had too much to occupy herself also at home she had built for herself and the devastated children on the ruins of a devastating landslide and so many ruined lives. It was clear in her voice and the spring of her step When she did start to leave that day after a very long talks with us.
As she started to leave I urged her, Didi go after one more cup of tea On my this request, she smiled a full captivating smile. ‘aab tame haigo. aab hitnoo bhula maathu maath’ It is time now, let me traverse my journey slowly slowly. Poor ,gentle great lady how much of life you have traversed slowly slowly. Widowed ,Destitute, deprived of a loved child unwanted by world, calumnied, stigmatized and rejected by world because some brute did great violence to your body and soul , you did not stop your journey. You instead lifted up those on your shoulders who had been left hopelessly stranded in their journey and continued your journey with them.
small creatures finding their way in world.
Such has been your journey,
Happy journey to you.
Amici Aternum 